Last in the series of Jesus takes away – looking at some of the messes Jesus cleans up in our lives. Today’s is a biggie – unforgiveness

Unforgiveness is choosing to stay trapped in a jail cell of bitterness, serving time for someone else's crime

Unforgiveness is like drinking poison yourself and waiting for the other person to die.

Cortney Sargent: Unforgiveness is not a loner. It brings its friends along for the ride. If you allow unforgiveness to settle, dwell, and remain
in your heart, you will experience strife, hatred, anger, bitterness, jealousy, and resentment—all of which hardens your heart toward God.

Joyce Meyer: Many people ruin their health and their lives by taking the poison of bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness. Matthew 18:23-35 tells us that if we do not forgive people, we get turned over to the torturers. If you have a problem in this area or have ever had one, I'm sure you bear witness with what I'm saying. It's torture to have hateful thoughts toward another person rolling around inside your head.

Three things define unforgiveness
Revenge – I’m going to get even
Resentment – I’m going to stay angry
Remembering – I’ll never forget

Hebrews 12:14-15 warns, “Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root rises up to cause trouble and defile many.” Similarly, 2 Corinthians 2:5-11 warns that unforgiveness can be an opening for Satan to derail us.

So unforgiveness makes us bitter, defiles us, opens us up to Satan derailing us, acts like a poison and is a jail cell, doing time for someone else’s crime.

When you have been hurt by someone else, we naturally want revenge, to get even, we are resentful and it’s hard to forget

Eph 4:32 simply says “Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you.”
The truth is that people choose to be unforgiving—it is a deliberate decision and a self-inflicted pain. We carry the illusion that other people have caused our misery, but in reality, we have elected to take on a form of self-imposed bondage. It is a spiritual “acid” that eats through the spirit within us. Few people realize the terrible effects of unforgiveness.

Unforgiveness is a chronic anxiety…According to Dr. Steven Standiford, chief of surgery at the Cancer Treatment Centers of America, refusing to forgive makes people sick and keeps them that way.

With that in mind, forgiveness therapy is now being used to help treat diseases, such as cancer.

“It’s important to treat emotional wounds or disorders because they really can hinder someone’s reactions to the treatments, even someone’s willingness to pursue treatment,” Standiford explained. Of all cancer patients, 61 percent have forgiveness issues, and of those, more than half are severe, according to research by Dr. Michael Barry, a pastor and the author of the book, The Forgiveness Project.

“Harboring these negative emotions, this anger and hatred, creates a state of chronic anxiety,” he said.

“Chronic anxiety very predictably produces excess adrenaline and cortisol, which deplete the production of natural killer cells, which is your body’s foot soldier in the fight against cancer,” he explained.

Is that enough reasons why we need to forgive others?

To forgive, we need to realise how much we have been forgiven – Matt 18:23-35
Jesus told a story to illustrate his answer to Peter’s question – how much should we forgive others. The Rabbis of the time taught three times, Peter thought maybe 7 times was enough. Jesus said 70 times 7 – basically always forgive. He then told a parable to illustrate the point.
The servant owed 10,000 talents – a talent was 20 years wages for a labourer. The average builder earns £23k in the UK – so a talent is just under half a million pounds. 10,000 talents is thus around about £5billion pounds. So the story is about a CEO of a bank! An impossible debt to pay off. So the King lets him off. The point is that God’s grace is infinite – we have been forgiven so much.
The servant then sees someone who owes him 100 denarii – a hundred days wages and starts to choke him for the debt, throwing him in prison.
Of course he gets found out and the wicked servant himself gets thrown into jail – literally to the tormentors. Unforgiveness is torment.

The grace of God is immense. When Jesus died on the cross for your sin – it was for every thing – every thought, every action, every word that falls short of the glory of God – all paid off in full, forgiven. When we grasp that, forgiving others become a whole lot more easy.
As C.S. Lewis put it To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.

Decide
Forgiving is a choice – you will never do it if you wait until it feels right. We have to choose to obey God and not allow the devil free reign in our thoughts.
Forgiving means
Giving up resentment about the wrong done to you
Giving up resentment towards the wrongdoer
Giving up plans for retaliation.
So many times as I’m with people wrestling with us, I tell them to speak out “Lord I forgive so and so for x.” And then they say “Lord help me to forgive so and so for x”. Those are different things! What it means is that they haven’t chosen to forgive. First comes the choice and then the dependency on the Spirit to keep them forgiven.

Depend
You cannot forgive without the power of the Holy Spirit. It’s too hard to do on your own. If you are truly willing, God will enable you, but you must humble yourself and cry out to Him for help. In John 20:22-23 Jesus breathed on the disciples and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit!” His next instruction was about forgiving people. Ask God to breathe the Holy Spirit on you so you can forgive those who’ve hurt you.

Obey
There are a couple of things the Bible tells us to do in forgivings
1) Pray for them. Pray for your enemies and those who abuse and misuse you. Pray for their happiness and welfare (see Luke 6:27-28)
I was bullied at uni mercilessly, and wanted revenge. But when I forgave him and started praying for God to bless him. My anxiety over it went and he actually stopped because it was no longer affecting me.
2) Bless and do not curse them (Romans 12:14). In the Greek to bless means “to speak well of” and to curse means “to speak evil of.” You can’t walk in forgiveness and be a gossip. You must stop repeating the offense. You can’t get over it if you continue to talk about it. Proverbs 17:9 says that he who covers an offense seeks love.

Who?
Forgive the one who hurt you badly years ago and the guy that stepped on your toe in Tesco yesterday and everyone in between! Forgive quickly – the quicker you forgive the easier it is.

Application
Be forgiven
Four types of people here today
Spectator- watching, keep watching. Sometimes people realise they aren’t just watching they are actively seeking.
Seeker – serious asker of questions. Great keep asking. Sometimes people realise their questions have been answered and they are following Jesus.
Follower – I’m ready to follow Jesus. Sometimes people realise they want to making a difference with Jesus and become a builder
Builders – I want to build the kingdom

Jesus died on the cross for us so that we could be forgiven. Receive that this morning if you never had before.

Choose to forgive – do it now!
If you know that you are holding onto unforgiveness, then choose to forgive today.
If you know that bitterness has taken hold – then we will happily pray for you to be set free, but you need to choose to forgive those who have hurt you for it to go.

Listen…

Jesus Crosses Boundaries part 2

Jesus crosses boundaries to reach the Samaritan woman, showing God’s love defies prejudice and social status. Onyilo challenges us to examine biases, especially in our closest circles, since dividing people is a work of the flesh. Everyone shares the same needs, and Jesus offers himself as an eternal source.

Speaker:	Onyilo Obande,
Series:	God's Multicoloured Wisdom
Date:	1st Nov, 2026
Download:	Jesus Crosses Boundaries part 2
Plays:	2
Views:	11
Sermon notes:	PDF Jesus Crosses Boundaries part 2 Jesus Crosses Boundaries (John 4:1–26) Series: The Multicoloured Wisdom of God · Sermon outline and discussion guide   The Samaritan: barriers between groups (v. 9) Main point: Jesus crossed the lines that others deliberately refused to cross. The text: “Jews refused to have anything to do with Samaritans.” Jews would even travel the long way around Samaria to avoid contact. The background: Solomon’s son rejected the people’s plea to lighten the tax burden, and the kingdom split into north (Samaria) and south (Judah and Benjamin, capital Jerusalem). Assyria conquered the north, scattered its nobles, and resettled foreigners there, who brought their own gods and worship practices. Intermarriage led the Jews to view Samaritans as impure, and the rivalry lasted for generations. This is the source of the woman’s remark about worshiping on Mount Gerizim. Personal story: Onyilo’s family objected to his marrying someone from a different Nigerian tribe. God asked him, “Do you want to go to heaven where that tribe will also be? If you can’t welcome her into your worthless house, how will you spend eternity with them in my priceless heaven?” He repented and went ahead with the wedding. Key insight: Our openness is often tested only when someone enters our intimate circle (family, marriage). That is where we discover whether our hearts are truly open. Galatians 5:19–20: Dividing people into groups is listed among the “works of the flesh.” It is human nature, not something peculiar to the Jews and Samaritans. Application: Unconscious bias is real. Awareness plus the Holy Spirit’s help allows us to deal with it.   The Woman: Barriers of Status and Reputation Main point: No one is too insignificant or too broken for Jesus to reach. She came to the well at noon, alone, which was unusual, since women typically drew water together in the morning or evening. This suggests she was rejected by her community. Despite her history (five husbands, and currently living with a man who is not her husband), Jesus chose her for the first public revelation of himself as Messiah. Encouragement: If you feel unimportant, unaccomplished, or are struggling with addiction, you are the kind of person Jesus seeks. Endure and hold on. Jesus is willing to break every wall between you and himself. III. The Well: Our Shared Humanity and Our Deeper Need Main point: Everyone goes to the well, so we are fundamentally one. Skin colour, accent, job, and family background do not define who we are. The life of God within us does. Our resurrection bodies will have no tribe, colour, accent, or profession. Everyone shares the same basic needs: food, friendship, love, and care. IV. Jesus: The Eternal Source Main point: Jesus offers himself as a source that never runs dry. Temporary sources satisfy temporary needs, but only Jesus meets the eternal one. Living water flows from within us (John 7:38), so joy, love, and kindness flow outward to others. Our joy then depends on God rather than on money or circumstances. Revelation 21–22: no need for sun or moon, because God himself is the light. Closing Response Self-examination (not guilt-tripping): Have I dealt with the barriers in my heart? Prayer: Ask God to break down walls and open the guarded inner places so the Holy Spirit can flow through us to others. Declaration: “Lord, I need you. Be my source.” Five discussion questions Where does the line fall in my heart? Is there a close circle (family, marriage, friendships) where I may be guarding a boundary? Why is it easier to be welcoming at church than at home? How does unconscious bias show up? Galatians 5:20 names dividing people as a work of the flesh. Where do we see this in assumptions, jokes or who we sit with, and what can we do about it? Whom would Jesus cross a boundary to reach here? Who in our neighbourhood, workplace or church feels excluded? What one step could you take this week? Do I believe Jesus wants to reveal himself to me? Where do I feel unworthy or overlooked, and how does the woman’s story change that? How can we encourage one another? What wells do I keep returning to? (money, approval, relationships, achievement) What would it look like for my joy to depend on God, so love and kindness flow out to others?

   

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Decide, depend and obey section based on Joyce Meyer Poison of Unforgiveness article