Self control not out of control

  |   By  |  0 Comments

Self control not out of control is our topic today.
Talking about sex – 12A rating, so if you have small children you may want to take them out to avoid awkward questions.

Awkward – if you are sitting next to your mum!
Okay to avoid eye contact with me at all times too!
Freedom and blessing from the pain of teh past and for the future is my aim today. Comes from self control not out of control!

Live in a sex mad society – always been that way, but things kept behind closed doors are aired for all to see.

40 year old virgin and 40 days and nights are tow films that make it seem life or even a lifetime without sex are implausible and even comical.
Anything goes – it doesn’t matter with who or what or when as long as no-one gets hurt.
But they do. Here’s a few stark numbers…
Recent study “Sex by numbers” showed that after the sexual revolution of the 60s recreational sexual activity is decreasing!
Co-habiting is the new norm, but 2/3rds split up – much higher than the divorce rate.
70% of unmarried mums end up on welfare
Divorce rate of teens who married due to pregnancy is 60%

Christians are called to be profoundly counter cultural, not prudes.
Love is not just communicated by the sex one has had, but by the sex one hasn't had. This is true of the wife who says no to a colleague's sexual advances on a business trip – out of love for her God and her husband. It is true of the newly converted same-sex attracted woman who stops sleeping with her same-sex partner soon after becoming a Christian – out of her new love for Jesus. It is also true of the same-sex attracted man who remains a virgin until his dying day – out of his love for God too.
Self control, not out of control.

1 Cor 6:12-20
Corinth a sex crazed society, where values were creeping in as people became Christians. Same as our society.

Objections of Corinthians, Paul addresses
Not against the law, we are having fun.
Hollywood lie – enslaves us
Sex outside of male & female marriage is immorality.
Gen 1:27
Gen 2:24-25
Reflects the relationship within the trinity
Reflects the relationship between Christ and the Church.

Not just different people marries, different genders. (Gender & sex views)
Sex between our legs, gender between our ears.
World says let’s make your body conform to your mind
Bible says let’s make your mind conform to your body.
Help available if you are struggling in that area

Not just procreation, delight and intimacy in the gift of physical union.

Body is for food and sex
Yes in part but not for sexual immorality.
Actually also temples of the Holy Spirit.

Can live a happy, fulfilled, significant life and die a virgin.
Don’t buy the lie
To quote Ed Shaw a brother in Christ who writes on a website for Christians with SSA
it all comes down to Jesus. I am willing to forgo a permanent, faithful, stable same-sex sexual relationship in the here and now because I am already enjoying a permanent, faithful, stable relationship with him in all his beauty. A relationship that will, one day, be perfectly consummated in the new heavens and new earth. His is the truest vision of life that I know, and so I'm willing to put my trust in him.

We are not just highly evolved animals with urges that need satisfying.

World idolises sex in any context
Church idolises sex in a marriage – rush into marriage so you can have sex, to find it is not the panacea for sexual temptation.

Bible clearly defines sexual immorality as sex not between a husband and his wife.
What the Bible defines as immorality might be lawful, but not right and causes enslaving.
Paul gives 4 reasons

Effect on others v15
Guilt and shame. Reputation of the church with yet another scandal.
Sin is infectious and has generational effects – why not cut out sin for the sake of your spouse or future spouse and kids or future kids

Effect on self v16
Inserting your penis in a vagina (or anywhere else) is not just a physical act, there’s a spiritual connection – you become joined.
You can walk away physically, but not spiritually. There’s a sticking together, often called soul ties.
Sticky tape on paper, pulled off takes some with it and too many times it looses stickiness.
Soul ties need cutting off.

Physical effects v18
All sins are equal, but not all sins have the same consequences physically, emotionally and financially.

Effect on your relationship with God and ministry v19
Believers are a temple of the Holy Spirit. Sexual immorality effects your intimacy with the Spirit. John White talks of Jezebel’s Eunuchs – people’s effectiveness to stand against further temptation and to stand and minister to others cut off because of shame and guilt they feel.
In Job 31, he says I have made a covenant with my eyes, not to look at a virgin? He says later it’s like a fire that burns to destruction that would have burnt all his harvest.
Why throw away the harvest for 10 mins, 3mins, a quickie?

So what do we do? How can we live in self – control, not out of control.
The call to discipleship is never easy, but it is always good!

Pursue intimacy with the Lord and others.
Lust is not a desire for sex, it is a desire for intimacy, found in the wrong places.
Pursue deep friendships in godly ways, connection with others. Don’t be lonely – connect. There are people here who would love to be your friend, rather than have you alone masturbating in front of the laptop.
Don’t keep people at arms length.
I loved reading Sam Alberry’s book – he’s a super evangelical vicar who is SSA and celibate. A high calling and he has written well on friendship.

Flee sexual immorality
Run away!
Set boundaries.
Love the illustration of the job interview for a chauffeur.
Arousal a good indicator – if ears nibbled and it’s not your spouse. Don’t!

Identity in Christ.
Too much of people’s identity is tied up in sexual status or sexuality – I’m Gay, I’m a virgin. She’s a slut.
Lie from the pit of hell that our identity is our sexuality.
Identity theft is a big issue in the digital world. Satan is the biggest identity thief.
If you are SSA and a believer in Jesus, your identity is not I’m gay. I’m a Christian!
If you are a virgin, that’s not a slur on your personhood. I’m a Christian!
Focussing on my identity as being in Christ also serves as an important reminder to me as to the many great things that are mine as a believer. So, for example, in Christ I have, “redemption” (Romans 3:24), “eternal life” (Romans 6:23), “no condemnation” (Romans 8:1), “the grace of God” (1 Corinthians 1:4), “every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places” (Ephesians 1:3), “righteousness from God” (Philippians 3:9), and, “the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding” (Philippians 4:7). Quite a list, all given to me freely as a direct consequence of me being in relationship with Jesus Christ!

Find forgiveness and healing
All sexually broken – whether SSA or heterosexual, virgin or promiscuous, active or it’s all in the mind.

Interesting that Theresa May asked about conversion therapy for gay people and looking to ban it. Living out agree it should be banned. The issue is not so much changing sexuality as radical discipleship as much as heterosexuals struggling with desires – all of us!

Had/Having Sex outside of marriage
Change your thinking – repent
Soul ties broken
Maybe deliverance
Want to be free? Find someone to confess your sins too. Devil can’t accuse you anymore.

Difference between condemnation and conviction/God's highlighting.

Condemnation from the enemy – yukky feeling, rubbish, failure, loser, never be free. John White’s Jezebel’s Eunuchs
Conviction from the Spirit – that act/habit or pattern of thinking is sinful. Stop it! Change your thinking and be free in Christ by the power of the Spirit. Hope, future, life in Christ.

Called to self control, not out of control.
By the grace of God, control your mind and body by the power of the Spirit and keeping sex to the marriage bed.



Andy planted the Gateway Church in Sept 2007. He and Janet love to gather different nations together to grow in Christ while eating good food! He also helps to shape and serve a couple of Relational Mission's church plants in mainland Europe. Andy and Janet run regularly, largely to offset the hospitality eating! He also runs a popular WordPress plugin Church Admin