Sermons

There was once a man driving along the road and he was involved in an accident with another car towing a horse box. A few months later he tried to claim damages for his injuries, but the insurance company lawyer questioned his claim. “How can you now claim to have all these injuries?” he was asked “According to the police report, at the time you said you were not hurt.”
“Well It's like this,” said the man. “I was lying in the road in a lot of pain, and I heard someone say the horse had a broken leg. The next thing I know the police officer pulled out his gun and shot the horse. Then someone came and asked me, “Are you okay?””

When people ask how are you? We’re often like the man in the accident. “I’m fine,”
Reality is that we can be in pain… family pain is one of the worst pains we can experience.

I was at a church planting conference and my friends Rob and Liz Glover – the family that went to China, were speaking on families serving God. I mean, they are amazing. An incredible family and they did some incredible things together. So they tell the story – you’ve heard. It’s inspiring and it’s depressing at the same time!  They did a ministry time and there were seasoned leaders there crying their eyes out because their family life was painful and it was opening wounds, that only the Lord can heal. I was in a mess too. I get it. We want family life to be amazing and yet it can be such a source of pain.
There’s so many ways families can be a source of pain

• Single mums struggling to go it alone
• Marriage going through a rough season
• Desperately wanting a husband/ wife
• Desperately wanting a child
• Blending two families together
• Experiencing bereavement
• Anxieties of parents ageing and facing health issues like dementia or cancer.
• Children far from the Lord

Why can families be so painful? World, Flesh, the devil
The devil hates family. Right from the first family he causes division, strive and division. He binds people up in orphan mentalities – rather than the favoured sons and daughters that we are.
The flesh is our sinful nature we inherited from Adam and Eve that is dead and being buried in those the Lord has made born again. But we still have to put off stinking thinking.
The world creates counterfeit families,  because real families are so messed up.
And for many it’s not just your sin, but the sin of others that is the problem – adultery wrecks multiple lives.

Thank God that as Paul tells us in Romans that where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more!

The biggest thing we can do is keep pressing on, even when it is tough – praying lots, loving lots, growing in Christ despite our circumstances. The church is a family and we can love and help one another. ON a normal Sunday I can look round and see every people with every category of pain who just love Jesus. Don’t let pain and hurt define you – allow God’s comfort and the support of church family to help carry you when it is tough.

Part of the trouble with looking at the topic of families in the book of Proverbs is that there are one or two in there, that many take as ironclad promises, when they are general maxims.
As one pastor wrote… We have wrongly interpreted Proverbs 22:6, ”Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it,” to mean that if you train them properly, then it is guaranteed that they will follow the Lord. Thus if the child goes astray, the parent must be to blame. But the Proverbs are not ironclad promises. Rather, they state general maxims about life. It is generally true that if you train up children properly, they will follow the Lord as adults. But it is not a guaranteed promise, and therefore it is not necessarily a sign of your parental failure when a child rebels.
So what then can we glean from the Proverbs that will help us, and give us hope for our current or future families?
This a quick fire scattergun look at three areas of families – you could do whole series on each one!
Husbands and Wives
Proverbs finishes with the ideal wife in chapter 31 from v10. She is just amazing!
“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.” My NIV calls her a noble wife. The literal translation is strong! the Septuagint ancient Greek reads a “manly women” – she’s  strong! She works hard, makes money, she’s kind to the poor, fearless of the future, enhances her hubby’s reputation and speaks with wisdom. V17 says she dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong!
Back at v11 he husband will lack nothing of value. The word there is basically loot, plunder, the spoils of war!
So this is real word ideal wife here, because life is a struggle not a breeze and she is up to the challenge. It’s an honour to be her husband! Ladies don’t be intimidated here.
When Abraham wanted a wife for his son, he sent off to a distant land to find her. And when God wanted you and your husband together he reached across the infinite expanse of heaven to earth to arrange the whole flow of history to bring you together. You are the ideal woman for your husband or husband to be and God sees you as a precious gift in Christ. And He will grow you.
If it’s been a mess and it’s all gone wrong ended. God’s grace is here for you. Because where sin abounds grace abounds more!

Husbands have you trusted and valued and affirmed your wife as she deserves? Do you express full confidence inner like the Prov 31 guy.
Ephesians ups the ante – do you love as Christ loves as the church laying down your life – your self, selfishness for her?
To husband is to cultivate – to cultivate and nurture your wife. To help her be all that God wants her to be.
Head to v28 – he praises her, “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all!”
The children call her blessed, because they have learned from Dad who praises her – who sets a high tone of praise in the home. No put-downs, no fault-finding, no insults.
Is the Spirit speaking to you guys? He has been to me. This is heady, manly stuff.
How does your wife excel? What does she excel in? Have you told her? Is she becoming even more magnificent because she is married to you?
Men, this is about you and God. You can fake it at work, but you can’t fake it a home. How you see God and follow Christ shows up in how you treat your wife!

Single ladies – wait for a man like that, pray for a man like that. By God’s grace He will arrange time and space to provide him.

Children to parents
Prov 15:20 A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish man despises his mother.
Prov 20:20 If one curses his father or mother, his lamp will be put out in utter darkness.
Prov 23:25 Let your father and mother be glad; let her who bore you rejoice.

The key words are despises and curses – they are the opposite of wisdom. The way of wisdom is the 5th commandment “Honour your father and mother”
Despising your parents is to treat them and worthless and to curse is to wish the worse for them.
To honour them is to treat them as weighty and worthy, just because they are your parents. They don’t have to earn our respect we owe it to them according to the Bible.
Even if as teenagers they are embarrassing, you still owe them respect.

That might be very tough if they are not respectable or even abusive.
Sidebar for a second, because it will be helpful for us all.
How do you honour a parent who is/was abusive?
Firstly if it is still happening and especially if you are under 18, we need to talk and get you to safety. Janet is our Child Protection Officer and we will work with you and the authorities to make it safe. You do not have to suffer any more abuse
If you have been abused it was never warranted or acceptable not matter what you have done.
God is not out to trick you. God loves you, walks with you and works to restore and redeem all that has been lost in us. So honouring your parents doesn’t mean staying or returning to an abusive situation. That is not God’s loving and compassionate heart.
You, Lord, hear the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed,  so that mere earthly mortals  will never again strike terror(Psalm 10:17-18)
How do you honour an abusive parent from safety?
Pray for them – that’s hard but healthy. We pray for our “enemies” so our hearts don’t get harder. Pray for the journey of redemption, their healing of whatever hurt them so much they thought it was ok to hurt someone else. Pray for them to know God and be transformed to be like Jesus
Pray for yourself – that your heart would be healed and you would see the abuser like God sees them too.
The final way to honour them is to face the world and love and serve God relentlessly – that will break the cycle of abuse. For some it might mean re-engaging for others it might mean stronger boundaries and distance. And others completely dissociating

We honour our parents by being thankful, stop blaming them for their failures and thanking them for their successes. If they are Christians imitate their faith.

Lastly parents to children
Not all of us have children, but we are a big family. And there is power in the church being a second family. Where many  of us are hundreds or thousands of miles from earthly family – we are a family. It was lovely watching a young Filipino lady engaging with a Jordanian child in our garden this week! We are all role models .

That verse I mentioned at the start is a great guiding principle, but not a cast iron millstone to drag you down.
Train a child up in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it Prov 22:6.
We don’t have that many years with our children at home  – they are exhausting, but they will end. While your children are home you have a moments of enduring impact.

Try and raise them to be all out for Jesus by being all out for Jesus yourself.

You have to work out for your home how discipline works.
I remember an angry man at a church in Sunderland preaching a whole sermon on the rod – I’m glad I wasn’t his son! But Children do need boundaries and coaching and rewards and punishments to help them become men and women of destiny.
Prov 14:26 In the fear of the Lord one has a strong confidence, and his children will have a refuge.

There’s not a verse for this, but I love Maurice Nightingale’s mantra – make memorable moments. Special times that you will all look back on. They do not have to be expensive, but they do have to be special!

Malachi 4v6 gives some heady instruction
And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the land with a decree of utter destruction.”
Family life is important or it will lead to the destruction of nations.
Turn to building great families – be a good husband/wife if you have one. Be a great son or daughter. Be  great mum or dad – even a spiritual mum or dad! We do it in the power of God’s grace and the indwelling Spirit.
Never to late to change and turn it around!
If this was a Channel 4 documentary there would be a helpline to ring if you are troubled by issues raised. We have more we have Jesus, we have the Spirit who brings healing and hope and forgiveness and a new start. Let’s invite Him to come and minister to us where we are, with what we need to be more like Jesus as husbands and wives, future husbands and future wives, godly kids and godly parents.
Come Holy Spirit!